Don't forget to put the seat down...

Warning To The Grammarically Correct: If it just bothered you that I wrote "Grammarically", you may as well leave now because my grammar gets even worse.

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Location: Land of Runny Noses, Flatulence, Bugs and Plenty of Roads....d

I'm a wife and mom to three boys. I love everything 80's, anything chocolate and loathes politics. I like to run for fun (preferably NOT in the hot, hot sun)....

Friday, April 28, 2006

Are Poems a Requirement for a Blog?

For the past couple of days I've been lurking on other blogs and I've noticed that a lot of the blogs contain some really creative writing such as poems. (Duh...who would've thought that a blog would be a creative outlet...silly me.) Most of the poems I've read are about love and heartbreak, some about death and others are just a hodge podge of ones inner-makings (is that a word? probably not.).

I'm getting kind of envious of all the creativity that is flowing around the Blo-double g- e- r (how is THAT for original? - I didn't think so.). This caused me to go through the Weenerm0m archives. Let me take you back to the year 1990. I am sitting in Mr. M's sixth period English class. It appears that instead of reading _The Scarlet Letter_ Mr. M would like everyone to write a poem about - what else?- a bird. While everyone is writing about the beauty of the bird and how it takes flight...I write this:

Driving in my car.
Feeling kind of rude.
It was my time of the month
and boy was I in a bad mood.
When all of the sudden
I hit something bumpy.
I swallowed my Hubba Bubba
and my throat became lumpy.
I got out of the car
to take a quick glance.
It was dark and gloomy
but I had to take that chance.
I looked around the bumper
and then around the tire.
I caught a glimpse of the sight.
It was nothing to admire.
It was a bird.
The bird was dead.
I know because
I ran over it's head!

Ummm....I don't think I did so well in class with that poem. However, Mr. M did say it was "different". Oh and for those who like to post songs....I haven't figured out what beat it goes with.:)

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

The Mother-In-Law Oath

Admit it. You know it's true. We've all heard it at one time or another... a mother-in-law story. Whether it be a mother-in-law who is too nosy and /or is too controlling. Or the mother-in-law who must have heard you and your husband have sex (and you thought you were so quiet!) the last time she stayed at your house. - and the reason you know? -- Because you heard her tell her friends on the phone about how YOU sound in mid-passion. One of my favorite stories is about a mother-in-law who was making out with her boyfriend during her grandson's birthday

While I am not one to hate my mother-in-law, there are times that she just pricks my last nerve. It's an up-and-down relationship. It is mostly up, but when it's down it's...awkward. After a "situation" - as I like to call it - we avoid each other for a while until things simmer down and after some time has passed we just talk as if everything is okay. All in all, I think I am a pretty good daughter-in-law and I think her son is damn lucky to have married me.

So where am I going with this? Let me tell you...

Today I had quickly gotten off the phone with my mother-in-law. For some reason she loves to eat when she is on the phone...I can't stand it! (Oh and she is one of those extra annoying smack-your-lips-"ummm"-"ahhhh"-sucks-her-teeth-eaters. ) As I was pondering about my relationship with my mother-in-law and thinking about how she drives me crazy sometimes (most times?) - it dawned on me. "I" am the mother to three day "I" will be the ever dreaded (da,da,da,dummmm) MOTHER-IN-LAW! What the .....? One day, I could have three daughter-in-laws sitting at the kitchen table talking about how annoying I am to them.

What if they don't like the way "I" eat? What if I call their house on a Tuesday - accidentally forgetting that I was asked not to call on Tuesdays for some unknown reason? For that matter, will they get mad if I call too much? - How 'bout if I don't call enough? - Okay like that is going to happen. What if they think I am rolling my eyes at them when in actuality I have something in my eye? What if I sneeze while I am at their house and they think that it's a hint that their house is too dusty? So much can go so wrong so very easily. (did ya get that?)

I sat down and began writing my mother-in-law oath because "I" want to be the perfect mother-in-law. - Yeah right...

I, Future Perfect Mother-In-Law of America, being of somewhat average mind and extra saggy body on this 27th day of April 2006 due hereby solemly swear that I will not suck my teeth before, during and after a meal. I will only say that my future daughter-in-law(s) hair is hideous when asked and not just blab it out in front of her friends. For that matter I will not comment on not only the lack of homemade meals that are made, but also the lack of taste on those said meals. Only if I should see my namesake and my other grandchildren are in dangerous situations will I comment/get involved on parenting issues. I will call before I come over. I will not call too early. I will not call too late. I will not call during naptime. I will not call while they are busy. For that matter I will only send smoke signals asking for permission to come over....

Awww...forget it. Tomorrow I'm telling my boys that they can only marry women "I" like. - Or at least I'll try to get two good daughter-in-laws...and we can just gang up on the bad one. Geez, forget motherhood! - Mother-In-Lawhood seems much more complicated!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

God Bless The Child and His Weary Old Mom

Mason's baptism went off without a hitch (or so I thought until yesterday - but that is another post altogher.). I know I posted about worrying about the weather, but you know what? God really does work in mysterious ways. Sunday started off cloudy and dreary. It was even raining when we went into the church. However right after his baptism we went outside and the sun was shining ever so brightly. I will be the first to tell you that I am not a super-spiritual person, but it kind of felt like God made the sun shine for us that day.
As for the party afterwards, lets just say I don't even know why I bother cleaning my house. In ten minutes flat, my house had gone from immaculate to mud central (thanks to the rain that morning and the day before.). But who - whom? - am I to complain?...I just hope no one saw me put the hamburger that I dropped back on the grill. :)

HAMSTER WATCH: 2006 (Update)

We have a small lead on the whereabouts of the said culprit. There was still no evidence (READ: no little hamster poop and/or smell of death) on the exact location until last night. Our investigative team decided to pull a stakeout of the hamsters location with the help of dixie cups filled with water and food. The team put the bounty in an undisclosed location ( it was in the older boys' room.) hoping to catch the sneaky little critter. Well, the team was called on an emergency call (read last post) and had to evacuate to the nearest bathroom facility. However, the team did leave the cups out all night. This is what they found at the scene this morning:

The team is very happy with their findings and will continue to work with this lead. Please stay tuned for any updates on this situation. Now return to your regularly scheduled activity/website.

Timmy vs The Train Table

Can you guess who won?

This is what happens when you want to be funny after your mom puts you to bed. You want to make fart noices with your mouth and hands. You think it is so funny - cause you are so much like your dad - that you decide you should show your big brother who is on the top bunk bed. So you get out of bed and turn the light on. You do your little 'performance' and quickly turn the light off so your mom and/or dad won't catch on that you are fooling around when you should in reality be SLEEPING. So you try to run to your bed and since the light is now off you don't notice that the train table that should be completely under your not. You trip into the train table and that causes you to fall which then leads to you hitting your face into the corner of the table.

What is the lesson in all of this? (Get those pencils out. It's multiple choice time!)

a.) It's best to push the train table COMPLETELY under the bed.
b.) Making farting noises is fun...but dangerous.
c.) Maybe next time when my parents put you to bed you should GO TO SLEEP!
d.) It was a bad idea that mom let you eat the chocolate bunny head an hour before bedtime.
e.) All of the above.

Which one did you pick?

Saturday, April 22, 2006


We are now on day six or seven and there is still no hamster to be found. I'm hoping that there won't be any "scents" to follow - if you know what I mean. That damn hamster can be anywhere. *sigh*

Friday, April 21, 2006

Got Rain?

Mason is getting baptized this weekend. After the baptism (or "bap-ma-tism" as Christian says), we are having a gathering of friends and family at our house. We planned this day a month ago. During that time, I - being ever so brilliant...not! - decided that we should grill outside. I really should have known better, really I should. If I were a baseball player and I was batting against Mother Nature, my batting average would be a 0.1 (is that possible?). Whenever, I plan an outside gathering, 99% of the time it rains. I was soooo sure that I was due to have a good weather day. As of this past Sunday I have been on weather watch. I go to the weather sites on the internet. I watch every news channels weather. I talk to everyone about the weather and ask what they hear/think Sunday should be like. Yesterday, I swear my dog Daisy, tipped her waterbowl over on purpose to tell me that it is going to rain. I AM OBSESSED!

So far this is what it looks like...

Okay, so what the heck does this mean? Is it going to rain first, then get sunny? Is the sun going to be out while it rains? I know! - maybe it will be sunny, but everytime I step on my patio to start the grill the sun will hide behind a cloud and it will rain. I have come to the conclusion that if/whenever we have a drought, I'm going to invite everyone over for an outside party. I'm sure it will rain then!

Maybe this is God's way of telling me I need to go to church more. Or maybe I should just not throw anymore outdoor parties. Hmmmmm........??

Wednesday, April 19, 2006


Goes by the names: Porter, Bowzer, Princess Bowzer and/or C.R.A.P.
Height: I don't know..
Weight: Ya got me...
Looks Like: A Hairy Potato

Note: If you come across this rodent, please KEEP it and I'll still give you a reward!

It seems that one of the boys' hamsters has gotten out of it's cage....yet again. I always find him after a day or two, but it's been four days and still no hamster. I don't blame him, I'd hide to if I had someone try to put army shirts from action figures on me. Oh and the hamster ball! Yikes!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

These pictures are just...crap!

Weenermom's Tips For Having Your Baby's Pictures Done At A Studio (pre-April 13, 2006)

1.) DON'T schedule the appointment during a time that the baby usually naps.
2.) DON'T schedule th
e appointment during a time that the baby usually eats.
3.) Put
a bib on the baby to catch all of that drool and/or spit-up. (You don't want to get anything on the baby's nice outfit!)
4.) If this is not a holiday pictur
e, try to avoid busy times of the year at the studio.

Weenermom's Tips For Having Your Baby's Pictures Taken At A Studio (post-April 13, 2006)

1.) It doesn't matter what time you schedul
e the baby's appointment because he will decide that he wants to change his sleep schedule that very day.
2.) Since he wanted to change his sleep schedule, he may as well want to change the time he wants to eat too.
3.) Never schedule an appointment when it is allergy season because your head is stuffy and you can't smell a thing!

4.) Take the baby naked because of all the time in the day, he decides just then to take a massive dump in his diaper...and because you can't smell a damn thing - and he doesn't do his usual production or grunting and red face - you don't discover the mess until you have to take him out of his stroller and see poop....EVERYWHERE (and I mean everywhere).
5.) Since you didn't listen to Rule #4 on your
original list, there are lots of people staring at you as you get poop all over yourself including your clothes.
6.) Bring a change of clothes for yourself.

7.) Bring lots of extra wipes and/or a water blaster.
8.) If the studio is at the mall, park close to the studio. You don't want to have to walk through the mall with a bunch of crap on you - unless that is a fashion statement you want to make.
9.) Have the hose ready when you get home so you can hose down the poop filled stroller.
10.) Have any type of alcohol produc
t ready at your disposal when you get home. (And if you don't drink, make a trip to the liquor store the day before.
11.) Just forget about it. Next time, just put take a picture of the kid yourself and photoshop it just like you did his newborn picture (see above). Saves you money, keeps your sanity - or what you have left of it- and the odds of you becoming an alcoholic are less likely!