At one point in time - like...say.... a couple of months ago - signing up to join the community pool sounded like a really good idea. It truly did. However, as some of you can atest to- joining a pool can cost a small fortune - or your first born child. Well all that aside there were a lot of positives to joining the pool.
1.)The kids would absolutely enjoy the pool to pieces.
2.) I won't have to put up their pool EVERYday.
3.) I won't have to get out the pump...to blow their pool up EVERYday.
4.) I won't have to pull my hair out trying to find that one level part of the backyard to...EVERYday.
5.) I won't have little mini-oceans in my back of my yard from draining their pool EVERYday.
6.) My backyard won't smell like dead, rotten grass that only comes from putting up and draining the pool EVERYday.I think you get my point...
It turns out that a lot the neighbors thought joining the pool was a great idea as well. At first I was all stoked about it all. More kids at the pool for my kids to play with = Greater chance my kids will leave me the heck alone. AWESOME! I was sold and I sold my soul - or at least it felt like it - to the manager of the community pool.
Needless to say that in the midst of all of the "joining the pool excitement/frenzy", something didn't dawn on me...that is until a few weeks ago.
I.Have.To.Wear.A.Bathing.Suit.
A Bathing Suit!Blech!!I loathe bathing suits and - considering the way I look in them - I'm pretty sure they loathe me right back. I look hideous in them. Doesn't matter what kind either. One piece, two piece (you'd go blind) ... tankini's...shirtini's...shoot just the idea of having to buy one makes me want a MARTINI. I mean, it's bad enough I wear a bathing suit when we go to the ocean, but it's not so bad because 1.) I only wear the bathing suit for a couple of days...not ALL summer and 2.) the people I am torturing with my non-bathing suit body...I don't know!
Sure...I know that most of the other mothers in my neighborhood are in the same 'to hell with bathing suits' boat that I am on...It's just that 1-2% that's not. You know what I'm talking about...the one (or two..or three) woman that come to the pool with their perfectly cropped hair and their curves in all of the right places bathing suit body. You don't hate her - because for all you know she is the nicest person on earth - but you hate her confidence. She knows she looks good...damn it...and she is bringing it. So while the heavens open up and shine down on her heavenly figure...it shines on you.... and the rays from the sun reflects against every single one of your stretchmarks (and that would be a lot of them).
Oops...sorry I just had a high school moment there. Darn green-eyed monster. :)
So anyway...I have to get not just one - but
two - bathing suits for the summer. I already ordered one from Lands End. It's a one piece bathing suit that is supposed to have all-over body control. And while the model wearing the bathing suit looks really nice - and controlled (as if she needs it...), I'm pretty certain that all of the control/gravity in the world will not support that undetermined layers of blubber that is called fat.
Come to think of it...I didn't really get fat until I had kids. And I'm only joining the pool for
them... Hmmm...I'm going to have to add this to my Mom's Guilt Trip List for when the boys are older and they don't want to visit me. I can just hear myself now:
"What do you mean you can't come over to visit me?
*sniffle* After everything I went through with you.
*long dramatic pause* You were the one that made me eat all of those bags of Funyons when I was pregnant with
you....I gained XXX amount of weight and I still joined the pool for
you in the summer of 2007. Even though they tried to harpoon me, I still went back. I did it all for
YOU!"
I'll work on it....:)
Warning To The Grammarically Correct: If it just bothered you that I wrote "Grammarically", you may as well leave now because my grammar gets even worse.
