"Congratulations Hot Lips..."

I drive by this catering hall everyday on my way to work. It's a small hall - nothing fancy. In front of the brick hall they have a billboard that will usually display salutations/congratulations for whatever event that will be held that day or week. Usually it'll say something like, "Happy 75th Anniversary George and Estelle" or "Wedding Bells Are Ringing For Tony And Marie". Ya know... your usual boring stuff...

So today I drive by the hall and written on the billboard is:

"Happy Retirement Peaches"

I don't know about you, but I think the name Peaches is a rather - how do I put this nicely? - f#$^ed up name. It could be that Peaches's parents were former celebrities who liked to name their offspring after edible items. And if it is just a nickname, I'm curious to know how one gets christened with the nickname of 'Peaches' (and uses it for employment?). Do they like to eat peaches a whole lot? Do they have moles the size of peaches? Or perhaps whoever it is, feels that the name Peaches sounds way more exotic and more mature than the name 'Mary'?

Also, I couldn't help but to wonder to myself what type of job would someone by the name of Peaches retire from. Here are some things that come to mind:

Maybe Peaches picked...well...peaches for a living?

Or maybe Peaches canned peaches... Or maybe Peaches showed her...ummm...'peaches' to horny old guys with the help of a pole and some really tacky music?....

Or maybe Peaches is, in fact, just a simple old lady who was a former librarian, plays bingo on the weekend and is as American as appl...errr...peach pie....

Anyway... Whatever it may be that you are retiring from Peaches, I hope you have a peachy time!